Loneliness happens when you become isolated and your needs for social interaction and human connection go unmet. For example:. Most people need close relationships in order to thrive. Abraham Maslow, a humanistic psychologist, considered this need so important he included love and belonging alongside things like food and shelter in his hierarchy of basic human needs.
That said, some amount of solitude — or quality alone time — is also important. Solitude creates opportunities for self-discovery , creative thought, and self-reflection. Time alone can also open the door to greater mindfulness, which can boost emotional awareness and make authentic expression easier in all of your relationships, including the one you have with yourself.
Next time loneliness begins to surface, accept it as it comes. Maybe you put on music and pick up a forgotten sketchpad, flip through old notebooks and rediscover your love of poetry, or simply sit and get in tune with your feelings and personal goals.
Whatever you choose to do, finding ways to make the most of your alone time can help you lean into solitude and use it to your benefit. When you feel the vast empty space of loneliness beginning to press in from all sides, the power of sound can push it back. Sound helps fill the space in your environment and thoughts, making it less overwhelming. Aim to connect with the important people in your life regularly.
If you previously spent Sundays with your family, you might try catching up every Sunday with a video chat instead. Even a minute call can help ease loneliness — for you and them.
How you spend time with others can make a big difference, too. Sometimes, you might just need some company and feel fine watching a movie with a friend or sharing space while working or browsing social media. When you feel the need to connect on a deeper level, try to find ways to make your interactions more meaningful:. Even so, it can help to center your conversations around things that bring you both joy rather than dwelling entirely on distressing news.
Time in nature can also help ease emotional distress and boost your overall wellness. Sleeping poorly can affect daytime functioning, which might, in turn, increase your sense of isolation. Emotions tend to gather under the surface and intensify when they go unacknowledged.
Ive worked hard at a job for 25 years and they went bankrupt. I have 2 kids that are grown now and they do their own thing on the holidays. Mom and I never got along, even when I was a child.
Ironically she was dying in a nursing home and begged me to take her home to die. My brother lives in a half million dollar home in Tn. I was told she had 6 months maximum to live and got an apartment, am paying for part of all her medical, oxygen, hospital, ambulance etc… expenses while on ssd myself. I have no life anyway, and when I do go out people look at me like Im an alien. No friends, no men will even look my way, im in pain all the time and taking care of a woman that I felt hated me even as a child.
Went to therapy and when I talked about It they put me on medication and I had a nervous breakdown. I wish I had a friend to talk to. I am a good mother, grandmother and the best friend anyone could ever want. I was even an excellent wife. What have I done to deserve this. Am I the only one feeling like this? I too feel lonely. My son is heading off to college today and he is my world.
My family is 4 hrs south of here but not really too involved in my life. I know they love me though. Dear Wendy It is so hard. I have gone through the same thing. Being single when your kid leaves the nest is just torture nothing can prepare you for it. I am trying to keep busy but living by yourself especially when all my friends are married is so difficult. I hope things will get better.
My mom works 12 hours a day and I have to iron all the clothes and clean the house and cook food. My mom had a baby about a year ago so I have three brothers now.
I hope that this is worth it one day. Im just gonna have faith in God. I have no great thing to offer, but I do hope as time goes on that your life improves in all the ways you want.
Hi Emma, I understand what you are going through. I know it is hard and life is unfair. Just hang in there. Better days will come. You should feel so proud that you are helping take care of your family and are a capable person that your mom can rely on. You have to take care of yourself, too. If you overcome these challenges, you will be well prepared for the future.
A lot of teens who grow up with easy lives have no problem getting good grades, etc. But then in the real world, when things get hard, they fall apart and fail. You will not be like that. You will have a tremendous capacity to take care of yourself and others. While you are cooking and doing chores, maybe you can use that time to help yourself also. Or even inspirational or funny videos. It may seem pointless if you only have a few minutes at a time, but it does add up, and everything you learn makes you a more interesting person.
Some people who like themselves just fine have an aversion to social situations. This is the first time I have actually confronted my lonlyness in any shape or form. My only defense has been denial. Get married have children,enjoy life. While my stagnation became more evident and quite frankly more embarrassing. It has created in me a profound sadness. This in turn effected my self confidence years ago.
Not being confident is something women can literally sense. So with this comes a circle that is self perpetuating and spirals gently downwards. So I guess I,ve isolated myself for the last ten years. The sadness of my life has now taken its toll and I,m finding it very hard to ignore. I have felt this way for over 10 years. My only wish is that people here reading all these peoples stories and finding themselves relating should do something about it. Dont deny it.. Am 34 this coming oct.
Eventhough am married and i have 1 son, am still very lonely and getting depressed every second of the day. Sometimes when i go out to buy groceries, i dont want to go home. My husband has a stable job but all he thinks is his work and when his home he always play games on his android or he always on his laptop. But he just ignore me. I always spend my time with my son. I love my son so much but im still lonely and depressed. I completely understand.
My husband works full time and is an excellent provider for our family. I am lonely and depressed and suffer from anxiety. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness in which does not make things better. I feel like I have lost myself. My husband has an outlet by working and always talks about his colleagues. I love her and thank GOD for her! She has saved my life many of days.
Many others have said that it is helpful, and that is fine, if you disagree with what was said, maybe you could bring up some points, and use them to discuss instead of being so negative?
Just an idea. I m 23 yrs old. Done graduation n job for one yr. But i always think that i will end up my life only crying. Even when i am popular in my cousins. In my family my dad was depressed and isolated, he never talked to anyone much. My mom is angry lady,whenever i tried to communicate with her she always ended it up shouting at me. From childhood i heard bad about me so i always try to please people. I have a elder brother who stopped talking to me when i was yrs old.
We still dont talk, besides living in a same house. And now i have atmosphere in my home like my brother dont talk to me said earlier his wife sis in law dont talk to me. I lost dad 2 yrs ago. My mom talks to my brother n sis-in-law. She dont bother about my lunch or dinner. Never ask me for anything. She roams with bpth of them n dont even think to tell me. They come home late in night n never even inform me. No one talks to me in my house. May it sound fake, dramatic,may you dont believe it but its happening with me right now.
I am crying like hell but noone cares here….. I am lonely quite a lot, but I feel that the presence of an animal in my home makes me come alive again.. This evening I was feeling tired and of course tiredness plays havoc with ones mind! My soul and being came alive again and my spirits were recharged. Unfortunately they are very hard to find!! What I am trying to say is that, for me, I can relate better to animals than people.
I am a 23 year old who for most of my life feels isolated and not wanted. Although I was always a competitive student, throughout my secondary education, my teachers and classmates picked on and bullied me. I felt like the object of mockery wherever I turned. Forging friendships was a remote possibility since I could not invite friends over to my house. I did not foresee my inability to obtain a loan and was, therefore, dis-enrolled. My first relationship began at college where I got involved with a lesbian girl.
After recognizing her unhealthiness, I forced myself to leave and never contact her again. Ever since the break-up my loneliness and isolation got much more intense. Conversations are a burden, because I feel so distant from the other party, this includes dating. What a material of un-ambiguity and preserveness oof valuable knowledge on the topic of unexpected feelings.
I enjoyed this article very much but more importantly the responses here. I got through most of them but not all. Some from young people and not so young. Imho, our modern western society seems to go out of its way to be non-enriching for the human experience. As a matter of fact it ignores it all together except for indoctrinating children at school. Been divorced for almost 15 years. There were a few relationships after that but nothing like a marrige… However…. I know I have something to offer.
I love hanging out with good people. I love being in a good relationship. People are crazy and shallow. People are busy, which is totally fine, I used to be that way too!
Whatcha gonna do. I take my comfort in nature and my pets. Good friends too but they have their own lives. I study the Tao to get wonderful perspective, yet alas I stilll yearn to share life with someone.
Just now and then. I have been a loner for most of my 17 year old life, mainly because of how shy i am. I cannot sleep at night because i have no one to talk to, nothing to do all day. I have a best friend but she moved away 3 years ago, and have only seen her twice since.
I even tried dance for a couple of months but ended up giving it up because i only had one friend there, and was convinced no one wanted me there. Please can someone get back to me on this site, because i want a solution…. You should seek counseling. Perhaps your Mom or Dad would accompany you later. I have been alone and lonely for more than 10 years, and its tiring to reach out to someone or so-called friends.. No one is genuine enough..
Everyone is waiting for you to make a mistake, then laugh and gossip about you. Dear Anonymous, We read your comments some not published here and are concerned about the feelings you expressed. We are concerned for your safety and would like to offer help.
Reaching out, as you did, is an important first step. Although PsychAlive does not provide therapy, treatment or advice, we want you to know that help is available. The call is free and confidential. I feel alone. My parents and relatives are in Asia. My current work is work from home though the internet. I have a few friends here in the US but not the close friends I could continuously hang out with. While reading this article, I felt like I was reading myself.
I am a housewife and in a foreign land. I know that I will have company if I just go out and see my neighbours, but I feel shy and awkward. I have not made a friend in a year and cry by myself when I feel too lonely. I now recognize the civ mentioned in the article. Still that voice is telling me that I may not have enough strength to overcome it…. I have read so many articles on websites.. I feel lonely and isolated also. I recently quit drinking because i felt it was hurting my family and yet i still feel the same.
I just came here for the liuttle advice bit, but ended up reading most of the replies from readers. I am now crying, both sad and happy that I am not alone in this gnawing, almost ever-present feeling. I am 26 ysef and at a time where many of my friends have settled with partners or married. If only people knew. But we are ashamed of feeling alone. So we hide it. Is there a good forum or place for people like us to talk? Take care everyone here.
I am an introvert and throughout these many years learned to live on my own. And just be friendly. Hi, I even dont know why Im putting this comment right now, Im a guy, 28 years old, feeling terribly isolated all my life, i had girlfrind , i had sex , but each year i feel Im more hated and more separated from society, All i do everyday is just working out and making music … Poof I dont know how to enjoy life, life is so dark for me , is it gonna be like this ever?
I tried to find new girlfriend but they reject me and cant handle rejection , Im not like other guyz, all day long my phone dont ring at all …. Hi, so im 16 years old and im in a long distance relationship for 11 months now.
I go to counciling but that doesnt seem to work because im not comfortable enough to talk to her and tell her my feelings because im very shy, and i find it hard to talk to people im not comfortable with.
Dear Girl… I am the mom of a 15 yr old girl who is also having a tough time with the crap that happens as a teen. I am not able to get through to her quite yet, since I upset her not too long ago. Kind of like strangers in the same house right now, but I make sure she knows I love her and have her happiness at the center of my being, no matter how much she may feel she wants to hurt my feelings. As a runaway from many years ago, I have had extreme trust issues from the age of 15 to now due to a couple of guys throughout my teenage years whom I thought were the love of my life at the time I dated them — and I am in my early 40s now.
Trusting anyone can be difficult, but please try to get yourself on track for all the wonderful things life can offer. For example… I am mostly happily married for over 20 years now and have two kids that are stronger than they can imagine and also have big hearts. I have made a living at the same job for over 20 years as well after high school plus additional schooling were completed , with the satisfaction of having been able to provide a great example to my kids about the rewards of hard work.
I have been so blessed. Therapy is a great place to start by giving you the tools you need to cope and work through any bad thoughts, even if it takes some time for you to trust someone. If the current therapist is not working for you, please consider asking your grandparents to help you find someone you would be comfortable with. But, please keep trying to find a better, more constructive way to get your feelings out.
All good things tend to require some hard work. Kinda like not being able to grow a beautiful garden without throwing some fertilizer on it and picking out the weeds. Life is about choices and the choices you make can change the course of your being. You must remember that you are as strong as you tell yourself. Blessings to you and your family. My CIV does not tell me I am unloveable or unlikeable. It tends to focus on my performance at work you could have done that better etc.
I get on with people fine. I have a lot of friends but I do not see much of them as I lack motivation to do so. I feel alone more because I feel that no one will really be able to relate to me, but I do not feel bad about myself whatsoever. There is nothing wrong with me. The irony is that when I was at my best it was people like the author of this article and many others with a similar mindset that were terrified of a happy individual with self-esteem that took 18 years to achieve ; and thus began to attempt to dismantle and or destroy my efforts at every turn both directly and indirectly.
The reason why we feel isolated and alone is because we are living in a society that is cut off from the true nature of reality — and it is so-called professionals or psychologists etc. The fact is that the nature of the system we live in keeps people feeling separate by default and thus is a breeding ground for isolation and despair.
Technology systemically dependent , rigid mainstream belief systems. The answers lie within each of us. I feel very lonely and empty as if something is definitely missing in me. I have 4 siblings I am the youngest of the 5 of us. I was very bullied in school for 2 years when our family moved to a new area. I have managed to remain friends with two people from those times. I get depressed, sad and lonely. I feel very isolated from enjoyment and laughter.
And I have never been one of those people to feel sorry for myself. So many of the comments here resonate with how I am feeling. I also felt the best when I was truly myself. I was a very social, excitable person who enjoyed being around many people.
Suddenly it seemed that people were withdrawing from me. A close friend said that everyone is very busy but i think it is more. I moved away from my family and friends to where my husband lived and where we currently live. I am not complaining but feeling very lonely. There are so many people living in social isolation — millions in the U. Would you sign up to help another, who has the same problem? And, in doing so, help yourself on the road to revitalizing your social contact?
Check out [LessAlone. Membership is free, and members are nearly anonymous to each other — but when paired, they both help each other. Sometimes isolation is not voluntary. I hurt my friends feelings by rejecting a gift! My other friends ignoring me probably because of my one horrible mistake! I just feel lost and tangled inside. I feel like an outcast. Please please…. I just want her to be okay! Was I putting effort I into my own relationships?
Sure, I wanted to hang out with them, but I feel like I be the same there as well as back in school. When I was 3yr old, my dad took me away from my mom actually the case was taken to court and I went with my mom as innocent as I was and that day in the court room, the judge ruled in favor of my dad.
As I got to my final year in high school, I was abused by my dads friend and my mom had come to school to also call me a prostitute because my step mom made everyone believe I was sleeping around and my mom fell for that. I grew tired one day and decided to leave home at the age of 21yr then and by this time I was now leaving with my mom and running a diploma course in law but my sister refused and hid my things.
You are a strong girl. And you til a great step of moving out I feel. Live life to your own expectations. You will surely find people who will love uoy and cherish you. Let your past and worries go away. So live life to the fullest! Brilliant article thanks SO much ,this is the way I have felt on and off for years though usually when out in public I am better and more social than I give myself credit for so few understand my secret pain.
What you described above helped perfectly destroy my last relationship and lose the love of my life at 52 years old. Now I am happier about most aspects of life except losing her not sure I will ever recover. Thank you so much for this article. I feel abandoned and useless. I think loneliness and depression must be one of the same. I am completely alone, and, lonely.
Anyway, I have found myself 62 now, and live alone in my own flat in this village that I moved to 7 years ago. One brother died about 25 years ago, the other is somewhere in New-Zealand, and my sisters are in Hampshire Uk and Australia, I think so anyway? I never married, or had children and have had quite a few relationships over the years, and, jobs.
I am lonely isolated and depressed. Four months ago I was positive up beat person going on day trips, reading, and enjoying life. I was with a partner for 9 years and we went our separate ways. I honestly feel that none of this is real and I have no grounding to reality. I see a counselor who I meet with every week and am on medication for depression.
I have people that want to connect with me and want to see me and be around me. I want to be better I feel lost and not able to focus on today with out these thought getting in my way. The more I look inward the worse I feel and the more I look outward the stranger the world feels to me like the conversations that are going on around me are in a different langue. I think and feel like this a good portion of the day. Evidently I look young for my age and attractive…just seen as a younger looking woman on these men arms.
Doing something nice for other people can help you feel better. It may also help you feel more connected to the community. Whether you get involved in an official community fundraiser or you decide to do a kind deed for a neighbor, there are many things you do to perform acts of kindness.
Talking to a mental health professional might help you make more meaningful connections with people and it may also help you discover strategies for coping with loneliness in a healthy way. Drinking too much, turning to food for comfort, or engaging in other unhealthy behaviors can increase your loneliness in the long-term.
It isn't unusual to feel lonely from time to time, but people may be experiencing such feelings more frequently now due to increased remote working and decreased face-to-face time. Exploring different ways to cope and reaching out for professional assistance can help you feel more connected. Everything feels more challenging when you're dealing with depression.
Get our free guide when you sign up for our newsletter. Tiwari SC. Loneliness: A disease? Indian J Psychiatry. Torre J, Lieberman M. Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling as implicit emotion regulation. Emotion Review.
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Select basic ads. Create a personalised ads profile. Select personalised ads. Apply market research to generate audience insights. Measure content performance. Develop and improve products. List of Partners vendors. Loneliness is a universal human emotion that is both complex and unique to each individual. Because it has no single common cause, the prevention and treatment of this potentially damaging state of mind can vary dramatically.
For example, a lonely child who struggles to make friends at school has different needs than a lonely older adult whose spouse has recently died.
This article discusses what we mean by the term "lonely," as well as the various causes, health consequences, symptoms, and potential treatments for loneliness. While common definitions of loneliness describe it as a state of solitude or being alone, loneliness is actually a state of mind. Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone, and unwanted. People who are lonely often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with other people.
Researchers suggest that loneliness is associated with social isolation, poor social skills, introversion, and depression. Loneliness, according to many experts, is not necessarily about being alone. Instead, if you feel alone and isolated, then that is how loneliness plays into your state of mind. For example, a college freshman might feel lonely despite being surrounded by roommates and other peers. A soldier beginning their military career might feel lonely after being deployed to a foreign country, despite being constantly surrounded by other troop members.
While research clearly shows that loneliness and isolation are bad for both mental and physical health, being alone is not the same as being lonely. In fact, solitude actually has a number of important mental health benefits, including allowing people to better focus and recharge.
Loneliness is a state of mind linked to wanting human contact but feeling alone. People can be alone and not feel lonely, or they can have contact with people and still experience feelings of isolation. Contributing factors to loneliness include situational variables, such as physical isolation, moving to a new location, and divorce. The death of someone significant in a person's life can also lead to feelings of loneliness. Additionally, it can be a symptom of a psychological disorder such as depression.
Depression often causes people to withdrawal socially, which can lead to isolation. Research also suggests that loneliness can be a factor that contributes to symptoms of depression.
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